Everybody Loves Good Diction
by Kairii O.C
Summary: Collection of KuroFai fics based on random words in the dictionary. Ersatz: Has Kurogane been... replaced?


**A/N: **Well, here I am. I'm gonna try my hand at KuroFai fics now. I'm still learning and developing my writing style for this couple, so your comments and review would be very helpful. I got the idea for this collection while I was randomly reading the dictionary. This word popped up, and when I read the definition, Fai and Kurogane were the first two people to pop into my mind. I decided to start a collection that was based on random words I found in the dictionary. This is the first installment; I hope you enjoy!

**P.S: ersatz**_(n)_: an artificial or inferior substitute or imitation; an inferior substitute for something superior.

* * *

**Ersatz**

"I'm going out."

Fai was standing in the doorway, swinging his coat over his shoulder. The ninja sat peacefully on the sofa, flipping through a random magazine and acting like he actually cared. He glanced quickly at the clock before he responded. Six forty-five on the dot. "Eh?" Kurogane grunted, not daring to look up. This was surely a first. Painting the town red without dragging him along? The blonde surely didn't have to say it twice. "I'll be back soon, Kuro-pi. But if I'm not, don't wait up."

"Trust me; I won't."

In a final burst of energy the blonde tackle-hugged the ninja, wrapping his lanky arms and legs around his large frame. "Oh, are you gonna miss me, Kuro-chan?" he cooed, nuzzling his face against the hard, defined features of the ninja.

"The hell I am!" he growled, trying desperately to peel Fai off of him. Of course, his efforts were futile. Fai giggled, his shiny blue eyes glimmering. "I love your passion," he purred, clawing at the cringed ninja with a contracted hand. He neatly removed himself from the couch, grabbed his keys and quietly left their humble abode.

For a moment, there was silence. Pure. Silence. Kurogane slowly gazed over the glossed pages of his magazine, scanning the whole room. No perfectly groomed blonde hair. No screeching voices. No feminine-esque surnames. Just silence. In an instant, Kurogane tore through the house, checking every room, closet, cabinet, drawer, nook, cranny, and sexy girl magazine hideout; and to his extreme relief and surprise, there was no Fai. _There was no Fai._ The ninja pinched himself, and barked at the sharp pain.

This wasn't a dream.

"I am in heaven!" he announced to the world, closing his eyes and stretching his arms out to the sky with thanks. For the first time in… forever, Kurogane was alone.

Just the way he liked it.

His first order of business (which he neatly scribbled on a folded, faded piece of paper titled "Things to Do When Fai Dies") was to eat three boxes of pizza while watching reruns of his favorite soap opera. In forty-five minutes, Kurogane, being twenty-four pieces of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese heavier, lounged in his favorite recliner, a wad of Kleenex gripped tightly in his hand. When the commercial break hit (and his eyes could cry no more), Kurogane finally had the chance to glance at a clock. It read 8:47 PM. "Eight-forty seven and no idiot…?" he murmured to himself, wiping his nose as he gathered up the empty boxes for the trash. Maybe he and this "friend" really hit it off. Or maybe, he was lying dead in an overpass after being run over by two tractor trailers and a moped. Either way, he was out of Kurogane's hair. The ninja glanced at his list once more, his dark eyes falling onto number three: "Take a bubble bath without having Fai burst in to ask if my sausage was boiling yet".

This was a shockingly easy task, though the ninja jumped twice when he thought Fai was about to jump out of the curtain, as usual, trying to catch glimpses of Kurogane in his birthday suit. "Something's gotta be wrong," he murmured to himself as he stepped from inside the tub and wrapped himself in a warm towel robe. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen, glancing out of the window above the sink to the street below. There was no sign of his bothersome partner anywhere.

With a half sigh, the ninja unfolded his list and read number four: "Play darts with Fai's picture as the bull's eye." Kurogane already had the board set up; he just never had the chance to ever use it. Hanging it on the wall, Kurogane took several steps back, focused his eyes and aimed his dart. Fai's stupid grin was his target. Squinting his left eye, he drew his hand slightly back, and with a thrust--

"Fweet-fweet!"

"Gah!" Kurogane cried. The dart hit Fai's forehead dead center. "What the hell--? You damn blonde, I'll get you… for…" Kurogane's dull eyes scanned the room. He was, as he had been for the last three hours, alone. But… wasn't that Fai's idiot version of a whistle? He could have sworn on all his magazines that it was. "What the hell is _wrong _with me??" the ninja murmured to himself, collapsing onto the couch. Could he…? Was there a slight chance that he…?

No.

Not a chance.

At around 10:15 PM, the soft jingling of keys in the doorknob mixed into the warm whistle of the night breeze. Fai inaudibly entered the darkened foyer, placing his coat on the rack with a sigh. He began towards the kitchen for a late night snack when he was unnoticeably startled by a table lamp flicking on in the parlor. Kurogane sat solemnly in the wingback armchair, his chin resting on his left fist and his right tapping on the arm of the chair. "Have… _fun_?" the ninja asked, still not looking up at the blonde. He stood in the same position he froze in, his arm still reaching out to the moonlit kitchen. A small smile crossed his nearly perfect features as he straightened himself and adjusted his blazer. "Why yes, I did," he said evenly, glancing at his cantankerous counterpart. "Did _you_, Kuro--"

"Do you _know_ what time it is?"

Fai stopped, furrowing his brow. "Well, I suppose--"

"I know what time it is! It's _late_." Kurogane finally looked up to him, meeting his eyes coldly. "Where the hell were you?"

"I was out. As I told you before I departed, Kuro-chin." Fai nonchalantly stuffed his hands into his pockets and teetered back and forth on his heels. "What? Is that a… _problem_?"

"No, but… well--"

"Kuro-pin… did you… miss me--"

"No! I was just saying--"

"Are you… jeal--?"

"_Hell no_!" the ninja erupted, slamming his fists onto the arms of the chair. This only made the magician burst into laughter. Before the ninja could say or do anything, Fai leaped onto his lap and latched him down with his iron grip. "Aww, Kuro-chan! I _know _you don't want to admit it, but you were jealous! You were afraid I was gonna leave you or something?"

"Get offa me, you freak!" Kurogane grunted.

"I know, I love you too." Fai chuckled sweetly, dismounting the ninja. "But don't worry. No one's gonna take the place of my Kuro-pi!" Fai pinched Kurogane's cheek like an old grandmother would her grandson. "My friend is nothing more than an **ersatz**. Someone I can drink with when I get tired of you."

"Tired… of _me_?" The ninja retorted. "Yeah right…"

The magician just laughed, giving his friend a wink as he headed to his bedroom, and fweeting along the way.


End file.
